Dear _________ !!

Dear movie,
Please don't do anything exciting while I'm gone!
Sincerely, I really gotta pee!

Dear forest animals,
I've been singing for over an hour, where are you?
Sincerely, too lazy to clean the house.


Dear dream,
Please cut to the chase. My alarm clock goes off in 2 minutes, and I don't like cliff hangers.
Sincerely, dreamers.


Dear greasy individuals,
When your hair is water repellant, it's time to take a shower.
Sincerely, my gag reflex.

Dear Noah,
We could have sword you said the ark wasn’t leaving ‘til 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear Voldemort
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson

Dear Justin Bieber
Ariel would really lover her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton

Dear Rose
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack


Dear windshield wipers
Can’t touch this.
Sincerely, that little triangle

Dear ''friend'',
Please know that Facebook is a place to reconnect with friends, not to start your own prostitution ring.
Sincerely, sick of looking at the slutty pictures and the desperate statuses.

Dear best friend,
When I die, immediately clear my web history.
Sincerely, seriously, it's important.

Dear Superman,
I feel your pain, we are scared of rocks too.
Sincerely, scissors.

Dear Board of Education,
So are we.
Sincerely, students everywhere.

Dear women who breast feed,
Doesn't feel so good, does it?
Sincerely, cows everywhere.

Dear male population,
Just because you have one, doesn't mean you need to act like one.
Sincerely, the female population.

Dear "my dog ate my homework",
You've been replaced.
Sincerely, "my printer broke."

Dear 72-hour deodorant,
why?
Sincerely, shower.

Dear peanut butter and jelly,
WHY DOESNT ANYONE EVER MENTION ME?!
Sincerely, bread.

Dear heart,
Please stop getting all up in my business. Your job is to pump blood, that's it.
Sincerely, brain.

Dear tectonic plates,
Calm the heck down.
Sincerely, Chile, Haiti, New Zealand, and Japan.