Saving the Planet

....save those snails!! *

Beware!

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #171 (CENSORED)

We on Two and a Half Men are aware that our humor has offended some viewers with, shall we say, more delicate sensibilities. We have read your blogs, articles and postings which detail your outrage. If you are one of these viewers, and you have just watched and been appalled by tonight's episode, I'd like to tell you the old joke about the hunter who goes into the woods to hunt for a bear.

THE JOKE

A hunter goes into the woods hunting for a bear. When he is deep in the woods he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns to see an enormous grizzly towering above him. Before he can fire, the beast rips the rifle out of his hands and proceeds to sodomize him. Mortified, the hunter retreats to his cabin, arms himself with a double-barrelled shotgun, and races back into the woods to find and kill his furry assailant. But once again, the bear sneaks up behind the hunter, pulls the weapon from his hands and has his lusty way with him. Undeterred, the hunter equips himself with a machine gun and treks back into the woods where he is again ambushed, disarmed and defiled by the bear. Now, apoplectic with moral outrage, the hunter flies to a third world country where he buys a heat-seeking, shoulder-launched, nuclear-tipped rocket from an international arms dealer. Convinced he finally has the upper hand, he returns to the woods, tracks the bear to his lair and patiently waits to vaporize him. And yes, again, the bear surprises, disarms and sexually assaults him. But this time, before the hunter can run off to acquire more lethal armaments, the bear enfolds him in his massive arms and says, "You don't really come out here to hunt, do ya?"

Well, that's the joke. Take from it what you will with one caveat: The moral is not "beware of homosexual bears."

Preserve Life

This is one of the best ad i've seen in years. It really hits home..





Protect yourselves. Protect others.

Give Earth a Hand

Earth needs us *Its time to act
...

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS

CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #259

Sometimes I have heated arguments with people who are not physically present. The content of these arguments usually involve me explaining to them how and why they are wrong. I generally make my case with such passion and logic that they have no choice but to admit to being foolish and weak. The fact that some of these people are dead does not interfere with me mentally correcting them. Recently I had one of these arguments while driving alone in my car. After making a particularly cogent point to a flawed family member in need of my wisdom and guidance, I noticed that I was being watched by an attractive woman in a nearby vehicle. Desperate to make a better impression, I quickly picked up my cell phone and continued talking as if I were on an urgent business call. I glanced at her, smiled and shrugged like a man whose work was never done. A policeman then pulled me over for using my cell phone while driving. I tried telling him that I was not actually talking on the phone, but was merely using it as a prop, so as to not appear insane. He smiled, nodded as if he understood, and then made me blow into a breathalyzer. I passed with flying colors. After he wrote me a ticket for using a cell phone while operating a motor vehicle, I drove away and had a loud and intense argument with him in which he laughed at my predicament and apologized for doubting me.

Little Bit

Hands down
i'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut
it's you i'm thinking of
but how we move from A to B?
it can't be up to me
'cause you don't know
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
i let go

i think i'm..

a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, a little bit
in lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me
oh

ooo-ooo...

and for you i keep my legs apart
and forget about my tainted heart
and i will never ever be the first
to say it
but still I,
yes you know I..I..I..
i would do it,
push a button
pull a trigger,
climb a mountain
jump off a cliff,
'cause you know baby
i love you love you a little bit
i would do it, i would say it
i would mean it, we could do it
it was you and i and if only i..

i think i'm
a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, little bit
in lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me

come here, stay with me
stroke me by the hair
'cause i would give anything, anything
to have you as my man (2X)

a little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
but only if you're
a little but, a little bit, little bit
in lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me

My Sweet Prince

Never thought you'd make me perspire.
Never thought I'd do you the same.
Never thought I'd fill with desire.
Never thought I'd feel so ashamed.

Me and the dragon can chase all the pain away.
So before I end my day, remember..
My sweet prince, you are the one
My sweet prince
you are the one

Never thought I'd have to retire
Never thought I'd have to abstain
Never thought all this could back fire
Close up the hole in my vain

Me and my valuable friend
can fix all the pain away
So before I end my day
remember

My sweet prince
you are the one


Never thought I'd get any higher
Never thought you'd fuck with my brain
Never thought all this could expire
Never thought you'd go break the chain

Me and you baby,
still flush all the pain away
So before I end my day
remember
My sweet prince
you are the one